Wine Review: 2016 Rose’, Dark Horse

I keep trying to like Rose’ while also trying to be frugal.

Generally speaking, Rose’ and frugality don’t play well together, but this one’s not bad.

For $8.99, Dark Horse makes a Rose’ that maintains enough smooth and buttery qualities to make it perfectly drinkable.

Initially, a very bright and crisp wine, I noticed that it mellowed out considerably by the second day. I prefer second day Rose’ and it is excellent paired with a big spinach salad topped with Chipotle Ranch dressing.


I call this my homework wine, for obvious reasons.


Smooth and easy sipping, a little Rose’ helps to drown out the residual bad music that eight hours of stapling idiocracy has left in my brain. Even now as I write this on a Saturday morning, snippets of the insufferably bad music played all day at work still rattle around in my head.

Right now it’s Rachel Platten. Now, let me warn you, I only share this link as a cruel joke. Misery loves company and I think that if I should have to live with the ghost of this horrifically bad song in my head then someone else should too.

Thank you for calling the suicide prevention hotline. Please enjoy the music while your party is reached. And by the time a representative finally picks up the phone, there is only dead silence on the other end.

So anyway, back to the wine. Xavier did not like this one at all so that just meant more for me, which is fine because I have a lot of homework.


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Wine Review: Dry Rose’, Beringer Main & Vine


Forever the optimist but I really should’ve known better. This Beringer Rose’ is sketchy at best.

One time I liked one of their wines and I keep hoping to get lucky again.

It’s more peach than pink in color.

The label says passion fruit, I say tropical air freshener and cough syrup with a hint of baby aspirin.

It’s better cool but not cold. Being slightly warmer tones down the nauseating notes of Triaminic and Glade.

$7.99 and 11% alcohol.

Spend a few more dollars and get something drinkable.

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Wine Review: 2014 California Rose’, Menage A Trois


Way back in the beginning of all this wine business, I bought a bottle of really bad Rose’, then I tried a few more at various local wineries and didn’t like them either so naturally I assumed that all Rose’ was terrible.

As it turns out, not all Rose’ is terrible.

Just some of it.

Rose’ is wildly popular right now. Its the feel-good wine of the summer. I can’t peruse my wine feed on Twitter and not see dozens of posts featuring frosty glasses of alluring pink wine.

Am I missing something?

I started to wonder if all these folks had awful taste in wine or if I had just experienced a bit of bad luck. Suspecting that the latter was the truth, I decided to give Rose’ one more try.

If there’s one winemaker who can be relied upon to get something right, it’s Menage A Trois. I have yet to try a wine from them that wasn’t delicious so off to my local state regulated liquor store I went.

Here’s what I learned:

Rose’ should be chilled but not ice cold. It’s not ¬†beer or soda and ice cold is too cold, bringing out the less pleasant tart and bitter notes. 60-70 degrees (Fahrenheit, obviously) is ideal. At this temperature, Menage A Trois Rose is smooth like buttah, lightly sweet and just barely tart. Most importantly, it’s smooth. Life is too short to choke down wine that punches you in the throat.


I paired it with chicken tiki Masala, which was excellent, but I also think it would go nicely with a mandarin and strawberry spinach salad topped with vinaigrette dressing and Gorgonzola cheese.

Menage A Trois creates their Rose’ blend from Merlot, Syrah, and Gewurztraminer.

The label describes it as, “raspberries, strawberries, lychee nuts, and flowers.” I have no idea what lychee nuts taste like and have yet to make a habit of eating flowers but this Rose is quite delectable nonetheless. It’s also 13.5% alcohol so there is nothing weak or foo-foo about it.

Menage A Trois Rose’ is the grown up, feel good, beverage of summer ūüôā


Xavier recommends accompanying your Rose’ with Billy Joel’s “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant”.


Wine Review: Sofia Rose’, Francis Ford Coppola Winery


Sofia is Francis Ford Coppola’s daughter and she now has her very own line of pink wine with her name on it. Lucky her.

I had no idea that Francis Ford Coppola had time to stomp grapes in between all the gangster flicks but apparently he is a skilled multitask-er, which means that he himself¬†does no actual wine making but that’s cool and all so¬†long as whoever does the actual work gets paid actual money.

I say the verdict is still out as to whether or not I like this wine, though I’m leaning towards the latter. Xavier tapped out after the first glass leaving me to ponder the rest of the bottle. ¬†His exact words were “It punched me in the jaw with tartness. I don’t think I’m going to have a 2nd glass.”

It is indeed a tart wine. ¬†I believe the grapes were fed a steady diet of vinegar and¬†Warheads sour candy, which caused insanity and birth defects, but the glowing¬†pink color is just enticing enough to make you think it’s good.

That doesn’t mean it’s not good but it’s out there in a no-man’s land of foreign flavors. Not bold enough to be red and it’s not sweet or crisp enough to be Moscato.

Wine snobs drawl with superiority,¬†“That’s because it’s Rose’, Dumbass”¬†

Yes, of course, the Rose’ of The Godfather’s daughter no less. This poor girl has her name plastered all over the bottle and now everyone is blaming her for leaving¬†them puckered and bug-eyed.

I’ve long made a practice of selecting wine based on the color of the juice and the appearance of the label and, while this often doesn’t work out in my favor, I can say…

My cat likes it.