Three ways not to get away with murder.
- Ensure that you are the beneficiary of the victim’s life insurance policy.
- Drug victim before drowning them in the bathtub. Wait two hours then call 911.
- Marry jail bait girlfriend less than a week later.
Xavier and I watch Forensic Files while enjoying our wine in the evenings. It is our new favorite show and from it we have learned some valuable tips such as: killing someone for life insurance money is a bad plan and that most murders can be avoided simply by getting divorced.
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
Xavier brought home this bottle of Ravens Wood Merlot as a surprise and, it was indeed surprising.
I had never tried a Merlot because for some reason I thought I wouldn’t like it. Somewhere along the way someone probably told me that they didn’t like Merlot and I just took their word for it.
Ever find yourself in possession of an opinion that is completely unsubstantiated? You know, something along the lines of believing the Earth to be flat or that Jesus rode a pet dinosaur? Yeah, it’s just like that.
So he brings home this bottle of Merlot that I think I won’t like but agree to try anyway and, low-and-behold, turns out to be completely delicious!
Merlot is the proverbial garlic and Corn-Nuts of wine in the sense that if you have some, your date better have some too. This is a thick and juicy dark red wine, smooth and positively decadent, and it actually does taste just a very tiny bit like black olives. I found myself greedily slurping it down like eating grape jelly straight from the jar with a spoon BUT, and pay close attention to this part, it turned the entire inside of my mouth purple.
Not realizing that such a thing would occur, you could imagine my surprise when I went to brush my teeth and found myself looking like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns.
Dude, nothing says “Kiss Me”, like penguin mouth.
Now, this purple teeth business, I don’t mean to portray it as a deterrent but just some useful information for deciding when and where to enjoy a fine bottle of Merlot.
I say at home and preferably in the dark.
NOT in the car on the way to a first date.
My recommendation: Just like not wanting to be featured in an episode of Forensic Files, exercise a bit of discretion before uncorking the plan and everything will be just fine.